Why Men Struggle in Silence (and how we can all help)
Throughout history, men have been told to “be tough” and “man up” when it comes to facing challenges. While society has become more aware of harmful gender stereotypes throughout recent history, the underlying messaging still exists for men today, especially when it comes to mental health challenges. Many men struggle in silence, feel the need to suppress their emotions, or feel unable to express their mental health concerns — but it doesn’t have to be that way.
Why?
This is a complex topic, and there are a lot of factors that go into why men are more likely to try and handle their struggles alone. Some common cited reasons are:
1. Embarrassment or stigma
From a young age, boys receive mixed messages about vulnerability. While adults may encourage them to express their emotions, they often face bullying or ridicule from peers for doing so. Their self-worth is frequently tied to competition, resilience, and strength, reinforcing the idea that masculinity means suppressing emotions and maintaining a stoic exterior. This pressure can make it difficult for men to open up, even when they’re struggling.
2. Being Dismissed
Many men try to open up about their struggles, only to be dismissed or not taken seriously. They might hear responses like, “It’s not that bad—others have it worse,” or “You should be grateful for what you have.” There’s often an assumption that men, by default, hold privilege, leading to a lack of empathy when they express mental health concerns—regardless of their circumstances. These dismissive reactions only reinforce the idea that it’s not acceptable for men to be vulnerable, making them less likely to seek support in the future.
3. Lack of Healthy Outlets
Men tend to have a harder time forming deep, emotional friendships. Society encourages deep emotional bonds among women but often discourages the same level of openness among men. For example, phrases like ‘No Homo’ reinforce the idea that emotional closeness between men is something to be ashamed of. This lack of connection can lead to feelings of isolation, increasing the risk of depression, anxiety, chronic stress, substance misuse, and even suicidal thoughts or behaviors.
How Can We Help?
Check in with the men in your life. Ask your brother, father, friend, partner, or coworker how they’re doing — and mean it. Be a safe person to be vulnerable with and normalize men reaching out for help or attending therapy. In fact, actively encourage men in your life to get professional help if you know they are struggling. Understand that seemingly well-adjusted men go through mental health challenges just as everyone else, even if they are better at covering it up. Remember not to compare one person’s struggles to another and push back against dismissive language toward men’s mental health.
The bottom line is that outdated ideas about gender roles and mental health hurt all of us, and men are no exception.
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If you live in Pennsylvania and are interested in engaging in EMDR and/or art therapy, or have any questions about the process, I would be happy to support you. Feel free to send me an email at cassidy@keystonearttherapy.com or give me a call at 267-507-1692.
